I suppose I am just a wanderer

All my life I have been stepped on and taken advantage of, and yet why do i still feel an urge to be kind to everyone, even the people who treated me like dirt? I also love how people look at me like I am a freak due to my problem and the way I look, being a complete and total geek in every field at school does not help either. But, I guess all I will ever do is be that guy that people go to for help then once I have helped them they completely disown me like they never knew me......SO i will be forever and always the wanderer with the mind of a philosopher.....

Dream as if you'll live forever,live as if you'll die today...

Everyday that passes is one down

Closer to the grave and I'm taking you with me

Something's not right and I'm not sure if I've the strength to fight

Should I care anymore?

Should I give a damn?

I can walk away and fake a smile

The magnetism in you draws me in and I do believe that I'm going to drown

Love has turned into pure hatred so just let me down

It's nothing unexpected and nothing I fear

Black is white and up is down

I live just to show you my frown

I once shed a tear and expected you to stay here

Now I'm blind and just don't care

Carry on with yours and I'll get the rest

The leftover's of life and the spoils of war

Every broken heart already smashed is mine to find

Okay. So I would like to say Fuck you.

Lately I feel as if I am drowning in them. I know I'm not alone but I feel like it and it is bothering me greatly. I have always hated being alone and have always been afraid of being alone. It's at these times...when I'm alone...that my mind begins to wander and I start to dwell on memories and past conversations. I pick them apart and analyze until I drive myself crazy. My mind has this terrible way of making a situation into murder it seems. The smallest thing is turned into a huge ordeal.

I hate to remember. It seems that even my happiest memories are turned into something ugly by my mind. My memories are there it seems to make me miserable. The train of thought always goes from a happy memory to a very bad one in an instant. It's like I can't forgive myself for even the smallest mistakes I've made in the past and I'm making myself suffer every time I try and reminisce.

The fear of being ignored. It's not an outright fear but it's there. Feeling like you're not wanted and you're not good enough so other's turn their backs on you. I'm left to stand by myself in my empty room while my constant calls are ignored. I feel as though I'm constantly fighting this. I don't want to go out without leaving my mark on this world. How am I ever supposed to do this if I am ignored. I refuse to be and you will keep getting my letters and my phone calls.

I feel as though I'm not worthy of love. I'm constantly putting myself down as if I'm not good enough. I'm not allowed to be happy. For some reason whenever I am happy I do something to ruin it. It tears me apart because I sit and watch myself destroy the things that make me happy. One by one, from the inside out. I don't know how to fix it. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose it that I lose it with my fear. It seems that I don't know how to make myself happy. I know how to make others happy but when it comes to myself I can't make the sacrifice.

I am myself and all of this is me. As much as I hate it I have to love it as well because this is part of who I am. I don't know how to fix myself and maybe I don't need to be fixed. What would I be like if this dark side of me didn't exist? Would I still be the person you know or would I be someone else? One thing is certain. I don't care what you say or think about me. These are my fears and this is what I feel. This makes me who I am. Bearing my soul is also part of who I am. I have never been one to sit and keep things inside me. Granted I might not come out with it in the most orthodox fashion but this is what I choose. Words are all I have and I can live with that. Atleast I have this and not nothing. Be aware that this is who I am. I will not hide who I am for any person or for any reason.

Sometimes I wish you could feel what you did to me

All the silent moments and empty words soon to be

You made me lost now, and maybe forever more

You can't even look back as you slam the door

Is this what you want, Want to know how I feel?

Try becoming cold as your heart beat is still

You can say you're sorry, put on the band-aid

But underneath a scar has been made

I'm sick of the things you know that I hate

But you keep doing them at a constant rate

Most of the time you make me better from my worse

But other times you fill me with a saddening curse

You caused this pain that I feel in my chest

Remember those words I said while at rest?

I laid in slumber and I told what was true

But you still don't get this feeling I thought you knew

Keep me in silence and see what will happen

You'll find out when my heart beat stops tapping

I fucking hate people (which probably includes you)

I hope I just die so all this shits will end!
I hate my life,
I hate people,
I hate everything!!!!

Dear God -If there is a God,
(Which there's not)
So never mind...
Amen.

I've pretty much doubled my writing (or more) since the last time i posted everything. I really wish I could post it up here.

Giving my soul to hell,
And tell Heaven I did my best.

One love for family
The Juggalos
And fuck the rest

I'm tired of all these snakes and demons leaches on the vein,
I've bled enough and now these bitches bout to feel my pain.

You know you name the haters been and with a point of view,
Pussy mother fuckers talkin shit but never had a clue.
Come with your attitude cocksucka fuck yo life.

I tie you to a chair and make you watch me fuck your wife.
I'm just the type to catch you slippin like a bar of soap,
I catch you while you sleepin fast
And then I slit your throat.

I watch you bleed and gargle choking for your last breath,
Then close the wound apply some pressure to delay ya death.

See what it means your whole existance don't mean shit to me,
It ain't nothing but time to kill to make you history.
And all you had to do was to keep your fucking trap closed.
But now you got your hands folded,
Clutched onto a single rose.

When a girl bumps into your arm while walking with you she wants you to hold her hand

When she wants a hug she will just stand there

When u break a girls heart she still feels it when u run into each other 3 years later...

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around...

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds, she is not at all fine

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games

When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever

When a girl says, "I miss you," no one in this world can miss you more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a break-up she wants you back, but shes scared she'll get hurt and knows you're gone forever