I want to feel something, but not feel myself. I want to disappear, I want to shrink into nothing and go completely numb. I don't want to think anymore, I just want to feel sick to my bones, I want to feel as though I'm ill and weightless. I want to push myself to the edge. I want to feel the tip of the ledge... and fall forever. I want to look poorly, I want to feel, see, touch, breathe my bones. I want to forget. I want to run, as fast as I can. I want to scream and run, for miles until I can't run anymore, then come back and feel sick. I want to go as far as I can go, until I'm sick to the core. I don't want sympathy, I don't want your pathetic opinions, I just want to feel something, but not feel myself. I want to disappear, but still be present. I want to feel nothing, I don't want to think, I want to just barely function. I want white walls, test tubes and scale numbers. I want single digits, I want to feel utterly weightless. I want to feel sick and ill and disgusting, but by then, I'll be far more than content.

I'm breaking. Slowly but surely, I'm shattering. Like a mirror being smashed in slow motion, all the shards of sharp glass falling like snowflakes but landing like raindrops. Its only now that my head can suffice on such little food and piece together the memories you left. Wide awake and running on empty; these tears are what keep me alive. I have nothing; I feel nothing, but a wide hole in my chest with emptiness fading through the edges and center of my stomach. The sun shines and my cheeks glisten; I fill myself with nothing; yet I can still cry. I admit; I miss you. I miss you more than I miss who I used to be. You were always by my side, you were my life and I have to find a new way of living... But I didn't think it would be this hard. They say love never dies, but my love you died; and you took every part of me you had with you. I'm trying so hard to go back to who I used to be; but I got so used to you; molding my life around you... This girl is broken; shards have broken off from different places and soon her whole body will crumble. The pieces to sharp to put back together, to small to matter but big enough to cut you into so many little pieces. Try to repair me and you'll end up looking at yourself in every little piece of me that lays scattered on the floor. I had my eyes closed, and as soon as I opened; I was blinded by all the things you stopped me from seeing. But I haven't learned anything; I don't remember anything; all I think of is you. You let me down, you lied to me. I feel so betrayed, I feel so broken. I love you, I still love you after everything you've done. My life will never be complete, but you'll always be a ghost with me.

I miss alot of people, I know theres no use in it,
since its not actually going to get me anywhere;
but I'm starting to notice that a part of me is constantly empty.


I just want to know the fucking truth, okay?
If you're out there somewhere,
I'll find you, and you will spill your guts, your heart, and your soul;
out on the floor in front of me, and I will discover the truth.

Then I'll kick you in the head, and you can get fucked.