A Paragraph on Memories

A simply sweet memory will never be as amazing when put beside a bittersweet memory. Everything good in the world has to have pain behind it, otherwise it isn't truly wonderful. Then again nothing is ever going to be the way it seems. So take a close look at your simple and sweet memory, analyze it in a way you haven't done before. Do you still only see pure happiness? If that was a yes, then you are living in ignorance. As some may have tried telling you before, ignorance is not bliss. If that was a no, then you are on the same page as myself. Can you see the pain embedded in your memory? Look through all of it again, did the pain turn the memory into a terrible one or an amazing one? Let's hope you chose an amazing one. As some girls will tell you, beauty is pain, and they are most certainly half right on that one.

~she made a choice that no sane human would~ she became the devil's angel~ looked through people and saw their pain~ yet did not love but could have no choice but to hurt them~

***

Your whisper may sway the weak, but when I speak it roars the sea.
Your challenge has been met, because with a breath I could snap your neck.

This wont be like the first time you tried, because my patience and mercy for you has run dry.

You've watered among my bride and started seeds to feed your throning flight.
But mark my words,
Because if that tree keeps them from seeing me
I will burn off your limbs and you will never shade again.

You will bow at my feet, or I'll rip out your knees,
and make of your face, all the carnage you crave.

♥The Rose will Decay ♥

Love, is the never ending torment for my heart.
Where only emptiness and a crappy pacemaker
is what I always end up with.
I hope at least that those who feasts on my heart,
gain the happiness they deserved in the start.
Because you always leave me dying with a never ending torment,
The never ending torment that have become what I call love...

***
I'm so sensitive.
I worry about anything any everything.
I turn matters that aren't even problems into potential disasters.
I never come through with anything.
I don't try hard enough.
I get jealous over the strangest and dumbest things.
I assume the worst out of things.
I get mad out of nowhere and can't bring myself to push it aside.
I'm so aware of so many things I need to do, yet I don't do them.
I consider my problems to be so massive and tragic,
when they're not.
If someone tells me hard truths,
I get upset and consider them out to get me.

My mind so clouded by thoughts I have no reason to think about, reapair itself I must let it do. I only find myself along the bumpy path that I was told I would face, but those are the only roads I have ever driven on. Emotions were one thing that would make a person weak and I hated knowing that fact I have shut my heart down for a day to givve myself the freedom to face my fears and push my limitations. Once more I test myself only to find what is real and what is not. I face the path alone simply because no one will walk the path beside me and that is the truth about my reality, facing things alone is the only thing I know of. It was nice to have that comfort of friends supporting you when in time of need but like all things. It came to an end and did not return but simply disappeared like it was never there to begin with. I feel that way all the time I wounder if all the friends I had here in town were real or not even though they were not that long ago it feels like a life time simply because time for me has always been slow and never fast. In one year I can accomplish many things and still come back with a life time of stories. So lost in my own mind drowning with no light to see the surface and no hand to grab so I may pull myself out. The feelings I feel are scars from the pain I have endoured and those scars are there forever, one cannot simply forget them but rather grow stronger from them. I have evolved many times and finally my time for the end of my evolution is upon me.

Crawl on me, Sink into me, Die for me, Living Dead Girl. ♥

In this world bounds shall break
Some will last some are fake
But then comes something so unreal
What is this you could possible feel?
In one moment you lose your core
Realizing you dont want nothing more
Then just like that it's right there
You want to speak but you just stare
Now that this person has arrive
You found the reason why your alive
With your breath taken you try to find
Something to say lost in your mind
Then you look into your heart
Now 2 peices are not apart
To live ever moment just us two
The only thing I can say is, I love you

***

I lost for love
and I lost for blood
I am gabriel the angle of death
crept of night and
blood hungry for all human kind
I am simple a man of passion and a broken hart


----***----
“Where ever I am, I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else"

In the flames you tried so hard to extinguish with fear of falling

A new chapter has begun in my life, and its not even the most important one yet. I have no one to call my own. I have no one to say "you complete me" to. Correction; i do. I do not know what i want to do, i do not know what i will be able to do. I want so much, yet i recieve so little. I am on an adventure. An adventure to an exotic place, in the back of my mind, way in the back where there is no light and no sound. This place is a void of my imagination, and a void where no one else knows. This place has flowers. It has love. It has all the wonders anyone can ever think of that will make them happy. This void will make me happy. This void is my heart. And it is void, and empty. Who can save us all when we're gone? Where do we all go when we die? Do we all die alone? Who is scared and who doesn't fear death at all? I fear death greatly. That is my only fear. I believe in re-incarnation. I will be a Wolf. A hunter of the night. I will know when you are awake and when you are angry. I will hunt you down, and i will kill. I will kill. I look forward to see the future after i am dead and gone. I know we will find a way to survive in the bodies of others, just like i am now. Just like we all are now.

***

i enter the land of dreams
my mind goes awhirl,
so many things i ougtent have seen
many things i dont understand.
my pain, my hurt my desire,
forced into my otherself.

i am safe inside myself
no longer on this earth
far away where i cant be found.

do u feel my words of hurt
can u see my marks of pain
i am out of my sanctity, myself, my home.
my life is lead for me
my happiness gone
you alone are the key
the key back to the sanctity of myself, of my soul.
please unlock me
touch me deep
set me free

♥ Farewell heartless world ♥

I try to be everything everyone wants but it seems like when I stare in the mirror I see an illusion. Why does it feel like everything might be a lie? All I want is for everyone to be proud of me but whenever I try it seems the more essence of me I lose. I just want to know where I stand in this world because it feels like Im watching everyone move on with their lives from under the ice of the lake of reality.

I wanted you to be there when I fall,
I wanted you to see me through it all,
I wanted you to be the one I loved,
I wanted you, I wanted you,
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep,
I wanted you to show me what I need,
I wanted you to know just how down deep,
I wanted you, I wanted you !!


“There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you.” zangetsu:"cast off ur fear,look forward,go forward,never stand still.retreat and u will age, hesitate and you will die.

Art is not merely an imitation of the reality of nature, but in truth a metaphysical supplement to the reality of nature, placed alongside thereof for its conquest.


Something Missing...
Theres something missing,
I don't know what.I have a family,
that loves me so,
I have good grades,
better than anyone can know,
but theres something missing,
what could it be?
Could it be something I left at school?
Could it be something I forgot do?

They get better at the end lol
Also these are old poems lol
These have names

Dying
I'm dying you hear me
I'm dying
Why do you stand there and just stare
Like there is nothing wrong with me
Do you even care that I'm dying
Do you even want me to live
You saw what he did with that knife
You could be saving me right now
But your just watching me drown in my own blood
Why won't you just save me
You could do that one thing for me
I'm dying you hear me
I'm dying!

Red
Red is for communist
Red is for blood
Red is the color that stands out the most
Red is the beautiful color that
is dripping out of my wrist
Red is the color of a book
Red is the color of my soul
Red is all I see
Red is what I love for
Red is my life
Red

Lost Soul
Wind blowing
Silence through the air
Sun glowing
Like the morning soul
As she walks along this dying Earth
Tears sliding down her perfect face
She wanders if her life could get brighter
Or will it just fade away to nothing
She takes the blade from her table
Sliding it across her perfect skin
As the blood drips to the ground
No more life for this perfect soul
Wind blowing
Silence in the air
To this lost soul
With no more despair

Could it be
I stood there waiting
wandering what happened..

Did someone get hurt...
or worse die...

I stand and whisper to
myself "I hope not"...

As the police rush out
they say a murder suicide
had accord...

With a sad face I ask
who...who got shot?

And with a swipe across
my face it all disappeared.

What had happened was
it true or...or
was it just a nightmare

These do not have names
I'm blocking these with lines. So you know when the poem ends

Butterflies fly like bumblebees die...
As we all look around and
we start too sigh...

It's not her fault we say it's
the butterflies for flying away...
She starts to cry as the blue sky fades away...

Please don't go she screams out loud...
Everythings gone and I don't
want you to fly away like
the butterfly has already done...

As the sun appears I start to see...
The only one around her was me me me...

Highlights that appear
in the night, are so very
bright, they shine on me
like the sunshine in the daylight.

His voice appears out of no where,
then silent rushes by me.
He stands there looking at me
for every breath I take I
want to say but only one thing.

I wanna say something. I wanna say
"I love you but, does it matter anymore
you've moved on you've found her..."

Long blond hair swaying in the wind.
Bright hazel eyes starring as he walks away.

And as he leaves he whispers one
last thing "I love you too"

***

My love for you is no longer free...
I set a boundary for you and me...

We took a walk three the valley of breeze...
We took a breath and suddenly we were in the valley of the trees...

No one understood how we could be...
They doubted us because we could see...

They were blinded by our sight...
We won't let you see we say for you
have doubted us because we can see
and you can not...

A promise is a promise and we
will not let you see for you
are the blind and always will be...

☂ɪ love♥ you ɪғ you love♥ me ɪ haтe✖ you if you hate✖ me☺ ♫

Along the way u bump into ppl who make a dent on your life. Some ppl get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim The English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know shakespeare. Some are mothers. and some ppl can dance.

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I was on the path to recovery, but i can feel myself relapsing now. Demons are crawling out from the floorboard and wrapping their webbed fingers around me, pulling me down into the darkness of shadows. It feels safe there. So safe. I'm letting them take me. I need my demons, without them, I'm letf with the pang of emptiness. I need them to fill me back up. I've been jumping from tops of buldings. For the thrill of the fall, ignoring sound advice and ignoring the consequence. My bones hae shattered, my pride is shattered and in the midst of this self inflicted pain. I can see beutiful rescue.

***


Sometimes you have to be apart from ppl you love,
But that doesn't mean u love them less,
Sometimes it means you love them more!!

EVERY NIGHT SHE CRIES AND DIES A LITTLE MORE INSIDE

You can't live your live for other ppl
you've got to do what's right for u
Even if it hurt some ppl love u~

how can i forget! was i the only one to notive there was a full moon at the beggining of the that lasted for two days.
...this year is going to be interesting.

The silence isn't so bad,
Till i look at my hands and feel sad,
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

***

i wanna wrap myself around you, so you can never get away

Altered state of mind


The dark overtakes me
It shadows my soul
the room it envelopes
and devours my soul

His aura still lingers
as glimpses I see
the light that is glowing
the orbs surround me

He moves through the dwelling
we see him at night
he walks through the kitchen
he keeps me in sight

I've tried to move on
this new partner I have
but he will not let me
tight grip that he has

This new one can't handle
the touch on his flesh
he feels ice on his back
as her hands warm his chest

He loved her already
their brief time that they had
but fear overcame him
and left him nothing but sad

She sits in her silence
a deep thought in her stare
his presence still lingers
it's thick in the air

The Sorrow

Once upon a time...
there was a princess kept in her tower which raised up to the nines. And she was waiting for her prince...
Nineteen years passed and several men tried to unlock the doors of the tower. However few of them were really close, unfortunately the last of the seven keys was always missing... it was key to her heart...
Eventually, she saw that no one is able to find it. So she gave up waiting for her prince charming and left her tower.
Suddenly she realized, that world is very different from what she saw from her tower... and she learned that it really doesn't matter whether you love or hate life. Only thing which is forbidden is indifference.
Also she found out, that the sentence "I can't .." is the only thing which hinders people from touching the stars, even they have them within grasp.
Eventually, she learned that it is completely pointless to paint her story, because no one is going to understand it... So she grew old and died.. and she left the only message for all:

"Though the sun is gone, I have the light."

***

Blood dripping off the wall, I began to cry. Seeing the cold, lifeless bodies around me, brought me chills. The blood on my shirt reminds me of the good times. The laughter. The happiness. A smile on my face, pride. Pride is what it is called. They will speak of this night, generations to come. Drop the knife, walk away. Get in the car, a bloody mess.. Drive away.

***

The game....

A vision arose...
~He passed through an electrical socket and came out unscathed
A whisper resonated in my ear
"He must have been touched by God".~

As the fugue disintegrated,
I looked up and saw a figure there
his hair was long and unkempt and yet
I found him unusually appealing

He gazed in my direction in a contentious manner
He waited on my table and as he wiped it, defiantly sat the glass top
in my lap

The owners of the establishment were mortified
they quickly approached with sincerest apologies
for they did not know what I knew....

As I sat with a challenge in my lap
and he glared at me with aroused aloofness
The glass I picked up and casually tossed at the other table

As it shattered in slivers around us, my only reply, "oopsy"
a slight smile came to his lips
for he knew I just checkmated his move without a single bead of perspiration.

"Would you like to come for a swim?"
And of course, he did. Now what?

~~♥ ~~Kill all kindness inside your heart ~~♥~~

I lost the one thing that made me smile whenn I frown

I really didn't want to start this blog with a stint of negativity. But today has been one extreme negative mindfuck. The games my mind plays with me are insane. Despite being surrounded by amazing people I feel a sense of isolation that I really don't fully understand. I don't know if it's just me but it's like my thoughts are out to get me, planting doubts that don't even exist, forming fears that have no substance and creating paranoid theories that are unfounded. All I want is some mental clarity rather than all this crap that is bouncing around in my head. It seems so unattainable however, whenever I make progress in terms of positivity, I relapse and fall all the way back to negative square one. I'm in need of a permanent source of positivity. Just gotta find it.

I've come to realise I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I have always pursued love because I believe if anything is going to save us, it'll be love. I guess I'm foolishly idealistic but I just can't accept anything but what I percieve as the perfect relationship. Maybe I'll emphasise later. A happy relationship is also one of my ultimate pursuits in life I suppose. A good dream to chase I think. Just miserable relationships so far, just gotta keep running methinks.

***

Kill all kindness inside your heart
Destroy all hope you carry from the very start
Imprison your free mind, think only of yourself
Don’t be deluded, this is to benefit your wealth

***

A blank canvas with no paint to spill, An artist with no direction or skill, The embodiment of my hopeless dreams, Dreams of contradiction, Not much is what it seems, A frozen picture never dies, Stars and anarchy, Paint your eyes, Wishing to find those lips of fire, Wishing to feel that love, Or desire, My Machinations usurped by rust, Chasing love, Misled by lust, Can we say that we have loved at such a tender age? Or say that we've escaped Lust's deceptive cage? My words are not recognised, Nor bring me fame or glory, Just a hopeless boy with his broken toy, Desperate to tell his story, So take me, I'm yours to steal, Then make me love, Make me feel, *** Distant whispers linger in the air, Stray fingers rest in your hair, Dying cigarettes wither by the windowside, Find your arms, A place to hide, Watch as dying smoke slowly swirls, Beautiful intricacies in a changing world, Risk a glance at those dark beauteous eyes, Watch the horizon as last light dies, mii life isnt perfect and i know. mii writing isnt the best in the world i know. but this is mii world and i take control. i know im not the best tool in the shed. i know im not the cutest flower in the rose bush. but its mii life and i live it. this journal is mii life. i write down piece by piece tew express how i feel. i easily do that in mii head. and i do it in a notebook by mii bed. but everyone wonders whats wrong with meh. maybe its cause no trusts meh. no one ever talks tew meh. mii best friends eventually leave and all i get are memories. mii friends and family dont listen and when they realize whats wrong they come crawling back. this journal entry has no point tew it. simply stating how i feel. stating how ignorant and insane this world has become. im lost within time and wish i could stop it.

Dear Pain and Loneliness

On a flght of fantasy
her heart did soar
for her hero she looked
in vain once more No knight in armor
Its gleam so bright
came to save her
from out of the night~

I've made my mistakes, caused my troubles. Why i have done these things? I haven't a clue, yeat i know i pay. I did not mean for things to end up this way. For them to be in such an up roar.... Your every action still effect me. Do not forgive me but understan i am lost. In a world i myself created. I have trapped myself within them. Forgive me not for the stupiidness. Forgive me not for the troubles I'e caused.

***

(~LORD MEMOIRE~)

NO Matter how much its troubles you, it'll stay there.
ppl always wonder, "Hey, why're you so upset?"
They wonder why it's hurting me so much.
But they don't know, the things that upset me the most,
is the only thing that'll make me the most happiest. ~

♥ ~SILENCE! I KILL YOU ~♥

she's one of those girl who doesn't know what she's doing, but she wants to know everything will be worth it one day. She isn't amazing at one thing, just good at a lot of things, and that's all she'll ever be. She wishes she could be different, but she lives her life to the fullest anyway. All she tryly needs is love to keep her sane. She looks at her world like it's book, with pages being read everyday. She's her own worst enemy and hardest critic. She knows she has flaws and tired to accept them. Even though she know she never fully will. More than anything, though, she just wants to make a difference one day, and she wants someone to remember her name. (:

I got lonely at nigh and i realize how much i love having someone
to text with until i fall asleep.

There are days and every now and again I pretend I'm okay, but that's not what gets me. What hurts the most, is being so close and having so much to say and watching you wall away ~

***

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. After all, How many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? I'd lived through a lot, but it didn't make me feel strong. Instead, i felt horrib;y fragile, like one word could shatter me. ~

I like to Imagine That What I Hear~

~You speak such soft words from a cold heart~

---Nothing is forever. All we have it's what's in between hello and goodbye---

Maybe the notes i hear the same ones they heard the night they met.
Maybe that's how they found each other.
Maybe that's how they'll fine me.

"I belive that once a time, long ago, they heard the music and followed it"

Sometimes the only think ppl see is what you did.
When the fact, they sould be looking at why you did it.

Never again will fail myself, cause everytime i'm looking back. I'm reminded of everything i've done and i don't need it anymore. Pain i felt so long ago, i don't remember. I'm holding on let them know, what's given to me, given to me. To hide behind the mask this time and try to belive. If i can remember to know this will conquer me, if i can just walk alone and try to escape into me. Its hard to see your way out. When u live in a house cause u don't realize that the windows were open the whole time, a box of rain will ease the pain and love will see you through.

☂--Remembering as Life When so Fast--☂

I love you so much dady ~~ sorry to late said um sorry about all ~
i miss u so muchh ~



MY POEM --- JUST FOR U-- 'DADY'

~ Lost MY Melody ~

My fingers are numb, lost all feelings in my hand
As I let the water run through, just like grains of sand
I feel each pebble course around my skin
Reminding me of when I lost so you could win
Scarred myself from the choices I've made
This feeling wont stop, it will not fade
As I stand here with nothing all alone
Reliving the memories in my heart I've known
Thoughts of being me was the easy part
Something I guess I failed from the start
I lost the one thing that made me smile when I frown
I let myself fall, I was the fault of me falling down
I know my mistakes, my lost memory
I sing the crushing sound of our lost melody

I Love u MY DADY ~~ Yo'RE To Be the One~
now, until i dead somedays ~

I share his name, I share his blood
He was my hero through dirt and mud
Man of few words, strong by heart
Lead a family that was torn apart
He was a builder, creator of new
He is at heart, he cared so true
I have my memories, some in parts
I have only to relive them from all starts
He gave all to everyone, never asked in return
No matter your emotion, he stayed concern
He was all that he could be, plus so much more
But he is at peace, no longer in pain or sore
I cry at night remembering past
How I never stopped life as it went so fast
I regret not saying how much he meant to me
How he always is what I hope to be
Not till now do I finally realize
Through all the tears, from all the cries
That in my life he healed it all
From the small scratch to my huge fall
He left with a part of me as he died
Life seems less as I laid and cried
Now from all that he created I must find new
Remeber the things he did for me and you
I love him, remebering as my tears start to show
He is gone, I'll never see the person I love and know

--♥--Journal Begins--♥--

Tears are words the heart can't express. && Pain is a remainder we're still alive.I live my life regardless of what people think of me
or what happens to me.


-------------
"When no one is different, No one is normal"

Life is a Fucking Roller Coaster

We have voices and stories and plans and derams and ideas
We have hope
We will wake up tomorrow to a day that has never been known
We are here for a reason
We exist to love and to be loved
Life comes back, Things do change. Storms do pass~

***


Roler coaster ride, were we only meant to fly in dreams?
Try to get that high, we were only kids with broken wings
there's something about the look in your eyes,
Something I noticed when the light was just right;
It reminded me twice that I was alive, & it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.
Eevery night I watch the sunset
& soak up every last way of is warmth,
and send it from my heart of yours.
Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you~~


***

That memory, is the enemy of peace.

I say this is half true.

Some memories can keep you warm in a blizzard, and give you a light in even the darkest of times. They bring a smile to your face when there's no reason for one and keep you safe from the dark corners of the world.

And others throw you right back to suffering, surround you in the pitch black and screams of pain. In the darkest corners of your mind and heart where the most frightening thing to you is your reflection and what you've become due to this. What you're capable of doing now.

And there's no rescue coming. No more hope, no shield from the flame. No more angel to save me and pull me out, it seems, for the angel has lost all faith and will.

You're all i have, in a world that judges long before it sees ♥

-----Beautiful things come out of horrible situations. I know for a fact. Out of sadness you get a new found wisdom on how the world can look with a haze of gray clouds, how ppl can be senseless, how u can see the whole universe in a whole new way. And that may be hard to handle, hard to cope, hard to accpt, but it is so damn beutiful if u really take the chance to realize. Out of anger, you can feel ur heart beat race, with every beat it is shaking your whole being and not only the heavy step you take. It is when u, ur whole self and some power telling u that u are alive. And that is amazing in every angle. Out of anyting there is something in there that makes it incredible. Something that make it shine. Whatever u feel is potent and it is such a blessing to feel what u feel. You just have to think about it ~ ♥~

***

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore,
play it loud enough, it keeps the demons away