~~♥ ~~Kill all kindness inside your heart ~~♥~~

I lost the one thing that made me smile whenn I frown

I really didn't want to start this blog with a stint of negativity. But today has been one extreme negative mindfuck. The games my mind plays with me are insane. Despite being surrounded by amazing people I feel a sense of isolation that I really don't fully understand. I don't know if it's just me but it's like my thoughts are out to get me, planting doubts that don't even exist, forming fears that have no substance and creating paranoid theories that are unfounded. All I want is some mental clarity rather than all this crap that is bouncing around in my head. It seems so unattainable however, whenever I make progress in terms of positivity, I relapse and fall all the way back to negative square one. I'm in need of a permanent source of positivity. Just gotta find it.

I've come to realise I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I have always pursued love because I believe if anything is going to save us, it'll be love. I guess I'm foolishly idealistic but I just can't accept anything but what I percieve as the perfect relationship. Maybe I'll emphasise later. A happy relationship is also one of my ultimate pursuits in life I suppose. A good dream to chase I think. Just miserable relationships so far, just gotta keep running methinks.

***

Kill all kindness inside your heart
Destroy all hope you carry from the very start
Imprison your free mind, think only of yourself
Don’t be deluded, this is to benefit your wealth

***

A blank canvas with no paint to spill, An artist with no direction or skill, The embodiment of my hopeless dreams, Dreams of contradiction, Not much is what it seems, A frozen picture never dies, Stars and anarchy, Paint your eyes, Wishing to find those lips of fire, Wishing to feel that love, Or desire, My Machinations usurped by rust, Chasing love, Misled by lust, Can we say that we have loved at such a tender age? Or say that we've escaped Lust's deceptive cage? My words are not recognised, Nor bring me fame or glory, Just a hopeless boy with his broken toy, Desperate to tell his story, So take me, I'm yours to steal, Then make me love, Make me feel, *** Distant whispers linger in the air, Stray fingers rest in your hair, Dying cigarettes wither by the windowside, Find your arms, A place to hide, Watch as dying smoke slowly swirls, Beautiful intricacies in a changing world, Risk a glance at those dark beauteous eyes, Watch the horizon as last light dies, mii life isnt perfect and i know. mii writing isnt the best in the world i know. but this is mii world and i take control. i know im not the best tool in the shed. i know im not the cutest flower in the rose bush. but its mii life and i live it. this journal is mii life. i write down piece by piece tew express how i feel. i easily do that in mii head. and i do it in a notebook by mii bed. but everyone wonders whats wrong with meh. maybe its cause no trusts meh. no one ever talks tew meh. mii best friends eventually leave and all i get are memories. mii friends and family dont listen and when they realize whats wrong they come crawling back. this journal entry has no point tew it. simply stating how i feel. stating how ignorant and insane this world has become. im lost within time and wish i could stop it.